While it's been a long week, so much has happened. For starters, I got a new job. But before I left my old job, me and another co-worker (who recently left also) felt that we needed to chronicle this momentous occasion by creating a few lists of sorts documenting the things that we have both learned over our time at our last job.
Here is one of the lists:
MEMORIES (and YES, these are ALL TRUE stories)
1. Hearing a colleague use the words anti-toxin (instead of antioxidant), dampner (instead of damper..."that really put a damper on my day"), irregardless (that's not a word), supposably (that one either...not a word) and Chicargo (is that a real city? Come on!!) on a daily basis.
2. Incorrect usage of the word proud..."I am so proud you found your glasses" or "I am so proud your headache is gone."
3. Use of the location Breckenridge at least 50 times in one 5-8 minute phone conversation.
4. Being asked to get on my hands and knees to clean the carpet, with a DISH BRUSH...Yes,...what we also use to clean the dishes; and Yes, also put right back on the sink for others to use on dishes AFTER it was used on the carpet.
5. Being asked to use a staple remover to get staples out of the carpet since I am done with my work. (Sorry, I won’t be able to get to that until after I finish scrubbing the carpet with the dish brush.)
6. Best job search advice EVER given to me: "the grass isn't always greener on the other side." Oh it might be purple, pink, orange, or yellow, but I don't care. I'll take that over this because I am just that miserable!
7. Serious overuse of the phrases "It's like..."and "I mean..." from someone over 60.
8. Having 3 bosses. Well, I take that back. I have 2 bosses and 1 supervisor. The funny thing is boss=legitimate, supervisor=self-proclaimed. Apparently no one cares to inform her otherwise. HELLO ...she is a (glorified) SECRETARY.
Secretary <> 9. A colleague stealing my file cabinet keys because I wouldn't take them home with me...to teach me a lesson...well, there's nothing the file cabinet so why should I be concerned with people getting into my cabinet...literally, it's empty.
10. Spending $10,000 and a week’s vacation on lasik eye surgery for a diabetic dog that you don’t think will survive the year. (Yes,... you read all of that correctly!)
11. Having your boss tell you who you can and can't be friends with. (“I’m not going to tell you who you should be friends with. I am going to tell you to be careful though. You never know who you can trust.”)
12. Nothing says crazy like a coworker who has a cage full of monkeys in their backyard, who smokes Cattails, gets q-tips stuck in her ear and has dogs who ride in carseats.